013 | November 14, 1997
WARDED TO SELF

Dear mum,

One month.

It's been one calendar month since you've "died". "Died" because I can't believe that you've gone, still and like I said, it's been one month. You can't have died. I just know that when Lisa and I come home during winter holidays, you'll be at King's Cross, making a joke or something about how skinny we look or something. Because I refuse to believe that you have passed on. You weren't supposed to die. You were supposed to be there for me, and you were supposed to take me to your office, and show me the tricks of the trade. You were supposed to guide me into being like the great journalist that you once were, and you were supposed to tell me when I buggered it all up. You were supposed to tell me to relax when I got an anxiety attack over one of my worries, and you were supposed to watch your daughter get married. You were supposed to grow old with dad, and you were supposed to constantly ask Sam, Lisa and me about when your grandchildren would come into your life. You were supposed to tease me about my crushes, and ask who I am fancying right now (which, for the record, is my friend Isla McLeod that you always wondered about, who probably thinks I'm a big idiot for asking her out to the Halloween Ball).

But you didn't do any of that. You left us to mourn over you, never mind everything else that's happening in the world right now. I know I'm not the only one that's lost someone in this war right now, but I want to wallow in my self-pity for a much longer time than people are supposed to. Because I didn't just lose someone, I lost you, the greatest person there ever will be. No matter what happens, no one can replace you, and I can't get over that. I want you to say that you were only joking, but I know it can't -- and won't -- happen. Just do me a favour -- wherever you are, please make sure to watch over dad. Sam, Lisa and I can handle ourselves, even if you think we can't. Dad is the one I'm honestly worried about.

You were a great person, mum, and I don't know why anyone in their right mind would do what they've done to you, but I can't help but be a little selfish at losing you. You weren't supposed to go. You were supposed to stay here. With me, with Lisa, with Sam and with dad. Why did you have to go? It wasn't the time for you to go. But I can take solace in knowing that you passed on because you cared about your profession, and you reported the truth, no matter what happened. It was brave and everything, even if I am selfish at the entire ordeal. I wish I could see you one last time and tell you how wonderful and amazing you are, mum, because you really, truly are.

I love you. And I'll miss you.

Love,
Scott

END WARDS



Hogsmeade was too quiet interesting yesterday. I hope everyone got what they wanted. I managed to do a bit of my Christmas shopping, which means I have a lot left to do when I'm at home.